Guitar Guru

My guitar has been having issues.  On Saturday morning, I took it in for repairs.

The place it’s getting looked at is The Podium… a fine guitar shop for fine guitars.  On Saturday mornings you can bring your guitar in to have it looked at by Marty, the resident guitar repair expert.  They open at 10am, and it’s a first come first serve basis.  I needed to be first in line because Kristie and Lucy had tickets to the Hannah Montana 3D concert movie and getting home late was not an option.  So I arrived at 9:15am and waited outside in my car.  I was indeed first in line.

My first goal was to get my guitar repaired and get home in time for the ladies to hit the movie theatre.  If my guitar gets repaired and the ladies MISS the Hannah Montana movie, the whole escapade will be considered a failure, much like if the Patriots were to lose the Super Bowl after their perfect season… anyway…

Goal # 2 was to behave in such a way as to not get a lecture by the guitar repair expert Marty.  Marty is a nice guy, but he’ll let you know when you’re mistreating your guitar.   The Podium is a place that is filled with legit, old timer, guitar guys.  I wanted to not stick out.

As I waited in my car I began to get nervous about my place at the front of the line.  The store wasn’t open yet and it was cold outside, I was in my car and thus, my place in the front of the line was not firmly established to the world outside my car.  I didn’t want to stand by the door in the freezing cold weather with my guitar because Marty might see me and say something like “What! You have your guitar sitting outside on a 10 degree morning??!!, I can’t even speak to you… AWAY FROM ME!”

Anyway, at 9:50 I got out of my car and stood by my car, closer to the front door to the podium, anxiety increasing with every passing moment.  At 9:52, an employee of the Podium arrived to work and unlocked the door to enter.  At that very same moment, a guy with a guitar is walking down the sidewalk with his guitar and says to the employee… “Oh, cool, you’re open” and he walks in the store.  NOW HE’S IN THE FRONT OF THE LINE… The store wasn’t even open yet!

As I’m distracted by what just happened, another young guy appears seemingly out of nowhere, looking like the captain of the high school football team, and he enters the store, out maneuvers the first guy with some sort of head fake move and is now in the front of the line which leaves me THIRD in line.  THIRD!

Now, if I were American by nature (or Australian) I would have entered the store and made a firm announcement that I indeed had been waiting in my car for 45 minutes and that I was first in line.  But alas, my Canadian-ness came out and I settled for third place.  As a rational Canadian, I realized that being first in line was certainly within my grasp but I let it slip away.  And by the way, the whole ‘last shall be first’ thing does not apply at the podium.  They must be out of New Testament Jurisdiction.
So the three of us waited in the lower level of The Podium.  Just then, a fourth guy arrived right at 10:00am and was miffed to see three people in line in front of him.  (Rookie)

As the four of us waited, the repair door opened and out came Marty surrounded by a cloud of Guitar Guru Glory, and he looked at all of us poor guitar souls and said ‘Good Morning’… the four of us customers shuffled our feet, stared at the floor avoiding eye contact with guru Marty, and mumbled “good morning Marty”.   Suddenly, standing there in my guitar inferior-ness, I was feeling fortunate that I was not the first in line.  Captain Football guy was the first in line and Marty took one look at his guitar and said “Your guitar is too dry… you need to humidify and come back and see me in two weeks…. NO REPAIR FOR YOU!!”

As he walked away defeated, Captain Football shrugged his shoulders and made his way out of the store.  I gave him a look that said “Dry?  You bring an un-humidified guitar to Marty in the midst of the dry Minnesota winter?  Everyone knows you can’t let Marty see a DRY GUITAR!  Maybe if you hadn’t stiff armed your way to the front of the line, you’d have had some extra time to HUMIDIFY!”

(Actually, I didn’t look at Captain Football guy as my eyes were fixed on the floor as to not draw attention to myself)

Anyway, Marty finally got my guitar in for a look, didn’t lecture me and turned out to much nicer than the guitar culture folklore had led me to believe.  It’s almost as if he needed to automatically dismiss the first two customers of the day and start fresh with the person third in line.  It’s almost as if Third in line was the best place to be.

… the last shall be first indeed.  Or at least the third shall be.

Comments

[Nils]

What happened to the guitar? A Jeff Kerr blog with a cliffhanger at the end?

[Alison]

This sounds like a great Seinfeld episode :).

[David W.]

What's wrong w/ a dry guitar? Is that bad?

[Jon Roe]

By not speaking up when you were clearly the first person there, you might have solidified Canada's new status as "America Junior." Sorry man. Very funny story, though.