Jeff Kerr

The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

We attempted to get some family pictures taken for Christmas this year.

Attempt number one came two weeks ago when we booked a time for 11am on a Saturday.  This would be Betty’s (3 years old) prime time, right before lunch and before nap time.  When we arrived at the studio, they had no record of our reservation but assured us that they’d fit us in.  So we waited.  We waited for about 35 minutes, just long enough for Betty to leave prime time and head in to crabby time.  We tried taking a few pictures with Betty and Dorothy both screaming (Dorothy is our newborn, she doesn’t have a prime time) and we called it off and rescheduled. 

We rescheduled for Friday the 23rd of November at 2pm.  This was of course the day after thanksgiving and the photography studio is located in the Burnsville Mall.  So naturally I gave a soft protest knowing that 2pm on the day after thanksgiving in a suburban mall is definitely not my prime time, but it was the only time available. 

We left for the Mall yesterday about 90 minutes early hoping Betty would sleep in the car.  So we got drive thru, stopped for gas, filled up the slow leaky tire with air and Betty still wouldn’t sleep.  So we went to the mall early knowing there are some little kid rides there to entertain the kids while we wait for family picture time. Kristie left to feed Dorothy and I was in charge of entertaining the other kids. All I had was a 5 dollar bill and an half hour to kill and the change machine was broken… I needed Ones.  So I went next door to the food court and asked ‘The Greek Place’, ‘Sbarro’ and ‘Orange Julius’ if I could get five ones.  They all said ‘NO’.  and not just ‘no’, but the kind of ‘no’ that has a heavy dose of “what are you, stupid?” mixed in.  I resisted the urge to tell the girl behind the counter "Hey Orange Julius Girl, 1987 called and wants it’s overrated pseudo juice franchise back".  But I was distracted noticing my three kids that were no longer standing by my side.

Having been repeatedly rebuffed in my attempt to change a five-dollar bill, I finally found the Candy Crane Machine that takes five-dollar bills.  Five dollars would allow us to lower the big scoop into the pit of candy 10 times.  So I assured the kids that this was the sweetest game ever, and we should blow all our money on it, and they said “Yeah, Candy Crane!!! YEAH DAD! Yeah family picture day”.  The plan was being implemented perfectly by me.  I slipped my crisp ‘Abe Lincoln’ in to the machine and nothing happened.  I pushed the refund button and nothing happened.  We found the customer service kiosk and explained that the Candy Crane had ripped me off 5 bucks.  She said, “5 bucks? We’re only authorized to refund 1 dollar”.  “that seems silly considering there’s a big sign that says ‘accepts 5 dollar bills’ right on the machine” I said.  This fact did not impress the nice customer service lady.  So literally, I now have her business card and she left a message with the “Candy Crane People” and gave them my cell phone number.  So if I have to leave church early this weekend, it’s because the Candy Crane folks have found my five bucks.

By this time it was time for pictures.  We went up to the studio where they said…. (wait for it)…. “We have no record of your reservation”.  I gently yet sternly assured her that this was not possible lest we were being punked.  She said, “Sorry we don’t have you, but we’ll fit you in”.  We got everyone in their nice clothes and entered the studio just in time for Betty and Dorothy to commence screaming.

We snapped some pictures anyway.

So here's to starting off the Christmas Season with a bang.

Grab Your Backpack... Let's Go

This is a picture of the Dora the Explorer balloon that we bought for Betty’s 3rd birthday party 3 weeks ago.  We purchased a big bunch of ‘regular’ balloons and then this one special Dora balloon.  If you understand balloon physics, you know that normal balloons deflate in a matter of days but these non-latex type of balloons can stay inflated and ‘floaty’ for weeks… as was the case with the Dora balloon.

After a week, a balloon like this reaches the creepy state because its not ‘floaty’ enough to stay pushed against the ceiling but rather it slightly deflates, still floats and begins roaming the house.  There have been a couple times when I was heading downstairs in the middle of the night only to have my wits scared out of me as I came face to face with the slow floating Dora.  I was doing the dishes on Saturday and saw something moving in my peripheral vision and it was creepy, floaty Dora sneaking up on me.  And that was the last time.  Fool me once floaty Dora balloon, shame on you.  Fool me twice, and shame on me.  And by the fifth time, you’re going out to the garage.

Dora escaped from the garage Saturday afternoon.  I was watching TV and in the window reflection on the TV I saw a Dora shaped object floating through our back yard.  It was then I heard a sharp “Oh NO!” from Charlie and I looked out to see Dora stuck in a tree.  Dora eventually broke free and floated away to heaven (according to Lucy)… or to outer space (according to Charlie) or she died (according to Betty) We have all types of kids… the evangelist, the scientist, and the morbid pessimist.

Insert obvious Christian devotional thought here…

It made me think about the brevity of life, any day I could float out the ‘open garage door’…

It makes me realize God is always watching me, in a non-creepy/floaty way…

It makes me realize how important it is to stay fully inflated with God and not get saggy in my spiritual walk…

It makes me realize that I’ve just written a blog, complete with multiple pictures about a Dora the Explorer balloon.  So the true lesson of this blog is when you have a baby in house, you don’t sleep and your mind starts to do weird things.

So again it's your turn... post a comment with your Christian/Life/Motivational/John Maxwell Lesson of The Floaty Dora Balloon.